1
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:17,780
♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

2
00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:23,450
♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

3
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,980
♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

4
00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:28,780
♪ on the night we kissed

5
00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:34,010
♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

6
00:00:34,050 --> 00:00:37,180
♪ what would we do, baby

7
00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:39,880
♪ without us?

8
00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:42,550
♪ what would we do, baby

9
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:45,210
♪ without us?

10
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:47,880
♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

11
00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:49,880
♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

12
00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:51,350
♪ ooh-hoo

13
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:54,210
♪ what would we do, baby

14
00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:57,080
♪ without us?

15
00:00:57,110 --> 00:01:00,610
♪ sha-la-la-la.

16
00:01:18,657 --> 00:01:20,510
I think Jennifer's improving,

17
00:01:20,550 --> 00:01:22,110
don't you, Mal?

18
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:23,950
Yes, definitely.

19
00:01:23,980 --> 00:01:26,710
Couldn't she learn to play
something quieter...

20
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:28,580
Like checkers?

21
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:29,980
Alex, we all put up with you

22
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,210
when you were learning
how to play the accordion.

23
00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:33,710
Come on, Mallory,
that was different.

24
00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:36,250
I had a rare gift
for that instrument.

25
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,410
Your teacher wound up
in an institution!

26
00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:39,880
Hey!

27
00:01:39,910 --> 00:01:42,510
Hey, Mrs. Billington
had serious personal problems

28
00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:45,250
way before I played
"Lady of Spain"!

29
00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:48,750
Isn't uncle Ned here yet?

30
00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:50,110
Can't wait to play for him.

31
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:51,310
He should be here any minute.

32
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,880
I think you should
keep practicing.

33
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:54,710
Uh, outside.

34
00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:55,910
Well, come on.

35
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,610
The acoustics
are better outside.

36
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,510
It's dark out, Alex.

37
00:01:59,550 --> 00:02:01,480
It'll get you in the mood,
Jennifer.

38
00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:03,580
You can play the blues.

39
00:02:03,610 --> 00:02:05,750
All right,

40
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,480
but just call me
when uncle Ned gets here.

41
00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:08,750
Okay?

42
00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:13,080
So, ma, think uncle Ned's gonna
stay for a while this time?

43
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:15,410
Well, it's hard to predict
anything about my brother.

44
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:16,910
The only thing you can predict

45
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:18,780
is he'll be unpredictable.

46
00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:20,810
And even that
we're not too sure about.

47
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,310
Yeah, well, if dad gets him
this job at the station,

48
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,680
he'll be able to settle down.

49
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,180
Now, don't get your hopes up
about this.

50
00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:26,950
Your dad's trying
to set up an interview,

51
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,950
but I think you should
stop bugging him about it.

52
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,750
What, me?

53
00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:32,480
I haven't been bugging him.

54
00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,480
Alex, you wallpapered
our bedroom

55
00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:35,980
with Ned's résumé.

56
00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:39,280
Hey!

57
00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:41,210
What's Jennifer doing outside?

58
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:42,850
She's practicing her clarinet.

59
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,780
Well, that explains
all the cats.

60
00:02:44,810 --> 00:02:46,450
So, dad,

61
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,920
you think you're gonna be able
to get uncle Ned that interview?

62
00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:51,710
Alex, try and be
a little more sensitive!

63
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:53,910
Did you have a good day, honey?

64
00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:55,480
Well, actually...
Great.

65
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:57,180
Did you get Ned the interview?

66
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,350
Yes, I talked with Mr. Wertz.

67
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,850
He says, if Ned's interested,
he'll see him.

68
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,950
Did the question
of Ned's past come up?

69
00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:06,210
Of course it came up, Elyse.

70
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:07,950
I couldn't tell Wertz
that Ned just arrived

71
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:10,110
from the planet Xenon.

72
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:12,380
Sure beats telling him
he embezzled $4.5 million

73
00:03:12,410 --> 00:03:14,148
from his last job.

74
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,230
Come on, mom.
He did not embezzle anything.

75
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,500
He didn't make a penny
from that.

76
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,560
He simply hid that money
in the computer

77
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,200
to prevent a merger that would
put a lot of people out of work.

78
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:23,930
It... it was an act
of conscience.

79
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,360
One man's act of conscience

80
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,300
is another man's felony, Alex.

81
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:29,030
He made a great sacrifice, dad.

82
00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:31,530
He was vice president
of a major corporation.

83
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,560
He gave that up
for something he believed in.

84
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,430
Why are all those cats
out in the yard

85
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:38,000
rolling on their backs?

86
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:44,300
Maybe Jennifer's
practiced enough tonight.

87
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:46,800
Look who's here!

88
00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:49,100
Hey! Hey, listen!

89
00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:50,830
These were out on a curb,
and it's a good thing

90
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:52,200
I happened by,
'cause two guys in a truck

91
00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:53,730
were trying
to make off with them.

92
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,000
Oh!

93
00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:57,660
♪ she's an uptown girl

94
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,000
How you been?

95
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,760
Alex, hey, you've grown a hair.

96
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,160
Hey, how are you? Steven, hey.

97
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,600
You've grown many hairs.

98
00:04:04,630 --> 00:04:06,860
And my favorite sister.

99
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:08,960
Oh! How are you? Oh, good.

100
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,860
Well, here I am, huh?

101
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:12,200
Let's celebrate, huh?

102
00:04:12,230 --> 00:04:13,460
Alex, you got any beers?

103
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:14,460
Yeah, I think so.

104
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,830
Great, great. Thanks.

105
00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:18,200
Ta-da! Beautiful.

106
00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:21,300
Here, put this back for me,
would you?

107
00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:23,700
So how was the train ride? Good.

108
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,460
Good. Next time, I think
I'm gonna ride inside.

109
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,730
Oh, you little monkey-face, you!

110
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,400
Oh, hey, what's, uh...
What's with the clarinet?

111
00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:33,530
I'm taking lessons.
Do you want to hear me play?

112
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,830
All right, all right, all right.

113
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:47,200
And... Five.
One, two, three, four, five.

114
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:48,330
Ah, geography.

115
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,830
Ooh, yes. Okay, that's great.

116
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,600
This is one of
my six best categories.

117
00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:53,060
How are you in geography,
Mallory?

118
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:54,560
Well, let's put it this way,
uncle Ned...

119
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,000
We're happy
when she finds her way home.

120
00:04:58,030 --> 00:05:00,030
He's trying to break
our concentration, uncle Ned.

121
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:01,730
Just ignore him.

122
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,760
Ignore whom?

123
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,160
Don't worry about it, Mal.

124
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,500
There's not a lot
in this category

125
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,960
that Ned "Geography" Donnelly
doesn't know.

126
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,760
Go ahead. Fire away, sis.

127
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:11,760
"What country... "

128
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,000
Oh, no! A country question!

129
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:16,660
Just forget it. Forget it.
Let me finish the question.

130
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:17,800
Okay, all right,
all right, all right.

131
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:19,500
I panicked. I panicked.
Go ahead. Go ahead.

132
00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:22,660
"What country drinks
the most beer per capita?"

133
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:23,930
We give up.

134
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,900
West Germany.

135
00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:27,430
What, they're ahead of us
in that, too?

136
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,600
All right, Alex, Alex,
it is our patriotic duty

137
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,330
to catch up with these jokers.

138
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:32,760
Get some more beer in here.
I got it.

139
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,160
I'll have one, too, Alex.
Okeydoke.

140
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,500
Oh, gosh. It is late, guys.

141
00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:37,760
Time for bed.

142
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,030
Do we have to?!

143
00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,700
I don't want to go to bed yet!

144
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:43,460
Yeah, uncle Ned's been good.
Can't he stay up another hour?

145
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,400
Come on, it's after 10:00.
We'll finish tomorrow.

146
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:46,730
Yeah, but I wanted
to play a number

147
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,560
for uncle Ned before bed.

148
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,230
Alex: No! Please, no!

149
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,760
Reveille is at 0600.

150
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,900
Okay, come on.

151
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,960
Good night, guys.
Good night, babes.

152
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,160
Oh, here you go, uncle Ned.

153
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,200
Oh! Great.

154
00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:01,230
Dad. Alex.

155
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:02,760
Hey! Hey!

156
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,200
Going pretty heavy
on that stuff, aren't you, Ned?

157
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,700
Uh, Jennifer and Mallory
aren't having any,

158
00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:12,300
so I'm just helping
the family meet its quota.

159
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,730
Come on, sit down.
I want to talk to you.

160
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,130
Oh, golly.

161
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,100
This sounds like some
brother-and-sister stuff to me.

162
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:20,430
Yeah, it is.

163
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:22,600
Come on, you know
what I'm gonna say.

164
00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:24,800
Don't you think
it's time you got a job?

165
00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:27,000
Oh, gee. Elyse, I just got here.

166
00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:29,060
Come on, give me a chance
to unpack my things.

167
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,360
I've still got rail lag.

168
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:33,500
It's time you got settled.

169
00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:35,530
I mean, you haven't had
a decent job in a year.

170
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,660
No, no, no. That's not true.

171
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,700
I had a great job
for three weeks in Denver.

172
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:40,930
I was a doctor.

173
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,800
Ned, be serious.

174
00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:46,100
Elyse, you be serious.
Who is gonna hire me now?

175
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,260
Well, if you're interested,

176
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:48,900
uh, there's an opening
down at the station

177
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,560
for a program consultant.

178
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,660
The interviews
officially ended last week,

179
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,800
but, uh, I was able
to pull a few strings

180
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,160
and get you one.

181
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,530
I, uh, think
you might be good at it.

182
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,360
I'd be great at it!

183
00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:05,400
Does that mean
you're interested?

184
00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,800
No, it means
I find you irresistible.

185
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,200
Yes. Yes, I am.

186
00:07:09,230 --> 00:07:11,030
All right! This calls
for a celebration.

187
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:12,900
Barkeep, a few more beers
in here, please.

188
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:14,700
I'm buyin'.

189
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:32,150
Hungry, Alex?!

190
00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:37,380
Uncle Ned, I didn't know
you were there.

191
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,510
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?

192
00:07:39,550 --> 00:07:41,380
That depends.

193
00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:44,050
Just how important is the heart?

194
00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:46,810
Come on, sit down. Have a drink.

195
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:48,410
It'll make you feel better.

196
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:50,310
What are you doing up
so late, anyway?

197
00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:51,850
Ah, I gotta pull an all-nighter

198
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,880
for an economics final tomorrow.

199
00:07:54,910 --> 00:07:56,550
Oh, well, then you're
gonna need a beer.

200
00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:58,410
It'll help you study.

201
00:07:58,450 --> 00:08:02,110
Cause if you've got the time,
we've got the beer.

202
00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:03,950
We haven't got the beer.

203
00:08:03,980 --> 00:08:06,210
Well...

204
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,350
Alex, what do you say
we go make a beer run, huh?

205
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:09,680
Ah, uncle Ned, it's after 2:00.

206
00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:11,510
You know how to make
a beer run, don't you?

207
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:13,350
Just tickle him
under his pop-top.

208
00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:19,050
Ohh, well!

209
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:21,250
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

210
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,510
Yo, uncle Ned, are you okay?

211
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,580
I'm fine. I'm...
I'm fine. I'm fine.

212
00:08:26,610 --> 00:08:27,880
Let's see, now.

213
00:08:27,910 --> 00:08:31,080
There ought to be some alcohol
in here somewhere.

214
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:32,680
Oh, what have we got?

215
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:34,750
"Marinated Artichoke Hearts."

216
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:37,910
You ever have a real good
artichoke-high, Alex?

217
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,180
Cut it out, uncle Ned.

218
00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:40,610
You... you really don't
need this.

219
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,450
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

220
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,680
Oh, oh, oh, oh. Here we go, now.

221
00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:47,210
It may not be Miller time,

222
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,980
but it is vanilla time.

223
00:08:50,010 --> 00:08:51,810
Here's looking at you, kid.

224
00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:57,150
Ahh!

225
00:08:57,180 --> 00:09:00,210
Now, remember,
don't drive and bake.

226
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:04,410
I don't believe this.

227
00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:06,680
You just drank a whole bottle
of vanilla extract.

228
00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:08,780
I'm sorry. Did you want some?

229
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,510
No.

230
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,950
No, I didn't.

231
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:13,950
Well...

232
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:14,950
Come on, sit down.

233
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:16,050
Maybe I can help you

234
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,150
with this test of yours
tomorrow, huh?

235
00:09:18,180 --> 00:09:20,410
I am not totally unfamiliar

236
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:23,550
with the area of economics,
you know.

237
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,910
Thanks, I think
I'll do all right.

238
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,580
You, uh... Y-you don't think

239
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,750
your uncle Ned
has it anymore, huh?

240
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,880
Y-you're ashamed
of your uncle Ned.

241
00:09:33,910 --> 00:09:35,950
You think I might give you...

242
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,110
The wrong answers.

243
00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:38,480
Well, let me tell you something.

244
00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:41,150
I spoke in front
of the World Bank!

245
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:44,080
So why don't you just come down
from this high horse

246
00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:46,910
and ask your uncle Ned
for some help, huh?

247
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,150
What's the matter?

248
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:52,610
Don't you like
your uncle Ned anymore?

249
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:56,680
I like him. I like him a lot.

250
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,750
And yet you're too good
to sit down

251
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,180
and have a glass
of maraschino cherries with him?

252
00:10:01,210 --> 00:10:02,450
Huh? Is that it?

253
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,350
Come on, come on.

254
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,510
I've just never
seen you drunk before.

255
00:10:14,950 --> 00:10:17,250
You think I'm drunk?

256
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,180
You think I am drunk?

257
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:23,850
Let me tell you
something, buddy...

258
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,480
I'm drunk.

259
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,080
Why shouldn't I be?

260
00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:30,750
I don't like to see you
like this.

261
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,980
Oh, you.

262
00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:36,050
You are just like that mother
of yours, aren't you?

263
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,610
You always think
you can tell me what to do.

264
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,480
Uncle Ned, I'm not...
Let me tell you something!

265
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,410
Ned Donnelly marches
to his own drum!

266
00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:44,450
So don't think you can come
in here and prop me up

267
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,450
with some pious platitudes,
because you are wrong.

268
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,910
Why don't you j...
Just get out of here, huh?

269
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,780
Beat it. You're beginning
to get on my nerves.

270
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,180
Why don't you just
come upstairs, sleep it off?

271
00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:01,010
No, no, no. I'm, uh...

272
00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:03,480
I'm gonna go out. Uh...

273
00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:04,880
Uh, uh...

274
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,150
Taxi!

275
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:07,350
Pull yourself togeth...

276
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:08,610
Will you get out of here,
you punk?!

277
00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:10,380
Just get out of here!

278
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,410
All right, I'll get out of here.

279
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:20,450
More cherries for me.

280
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,550
Hey! Good morning, Alex.

281
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,050
Did you sleep all right?

282
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,850
No. No, not so great.

283
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,310
Oh, why not?

284
00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:44,180
What do you mean...
"why not?"

285
00:11:44,210 --> 00:11:46,710
You know why
I didn't sleep well last night.

286
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,910
Oh. Yeah, yeah.

287
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,780
I had that same problem
as a teenager.

288
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,910
Well, I don't know.

289
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:53,950
Take a cold shower.
Think of Buddy Hackett.

290
00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:58,280
Morning, Alex.

291
00:11:58,310 --> 00:11:59,480
Oh, morning, mom.

292
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,110
Is Ned down yet?

293
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:04,910
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, he was just here.

294
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:06,950
Uh, listen, mom,
we have a real problem here.

295
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:08,850
Yeah, what's that?

296
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,180
Well, it's uncle Ned.

297
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:13,950
You know,
he's been drinking a lot, mom.

298
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:17,050
Look, this is a very difficult
time for him, Alex.

299
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,050
Just because he's drinking
a little more than usual

300
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,650
doesn't mean he's a drunk.

301
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,350
No, you gotta listen to me.

302
00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:23,850
If you had seen him
last night...

303
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,780
Steven: Now, the main thing is,
just relax.

304
00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:27,410
Be yourself
at the interview, Ned.

305
00:12:27,450 --> 00:12:29,480
Wertz is tough, but he's fair.

306
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:32,880
Tough but fair?
I like that in a woman.

307
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:36,050
Uncle Ned, this is for you,
for your interview.

308
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:39,450
Oh, grea...
Oh, they're beautiful!

309
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:41,980
One from each of us.

310
00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:43,980
Thank you, guys.

311
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:45,380
I gotta go in early today.

312
00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:47,050
I'll drop you off, girls.
You coming, Alex?

313
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,680
Uh, no, thanks, dad.
Pete's gonna be here

314
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:50,610
and pick me up any minute. Okay.

315
00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:52,810
11:00 in my office, Ned?
See you there.

316
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:54,680
Oh, I'll be there with socks on.
Yeah.

317
00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:59,710
Ned seems fine to me.

318
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,450
Trust me, mom.

319
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,380
Uncle Ned has
a drinking problem,

320
00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:05,750
and you gotta
do something about it.

321
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,350
Alex, don't you think
you're overdramatizing this?

322
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:11,180
Why, in the name
of all that is pure and sacred

323
00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:12,450
in this great planet of ours,

324
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:16,450
do you always accuse me
of overdramatizing things?

325
00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:22,050
All right, all right, but, uh...

326
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,550
This time I'm not exaggerating.

327
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:25,750
Look, Alex,

328
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:27,810
I've known Ned
a lot longer than you have.

329
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:29,650
He was always a drinker
in school,

330
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,410
but he's been able to handle it.

331
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,050
Mom...

332
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,850
He drank a whole bottle
of vanilla extract last night.

333
00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:44,050
He was rummaging
through the pantry

334
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,640
looking for anything
with alcohol in it.

335
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,180
There's my ride. I gotta go.

336
00:13:49,210 --> 00:13:51,480
Listen, uh...

337
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:54,150
Talk to him,
will you, please, mom?

338
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:55,180
Yeah.

339
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:02,710
Well, hey,
this place cleared out fast.

340
00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,180
Are you feeling okay?

341
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:05,950
Couldn't be better.

342
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,980
Are you worried
about the interview?

343
00:14:08,010 --> 00:14:09,650
Oh, a little.

344
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,650
I figure I'll do all right,
though.

345
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,650
Keys...

346
00:14:16,380 --> 00:14:20,150
Well, where did you come from?

347
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:21,880
Oh, yeah, I remember now.

348
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:23,980
Yeah, nonstop from Chicago
to Phoenix last August.

349
00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:26,580
Well, it is good to see you.

350
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:27,950
Oh, well,

351
00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:29,950
it's good to see you, too, Ned.

352
00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:33,680
What'd you put
in your orange juice, Ned?

353
00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:35,780
Uh, a little vodka.

354
00:14:35,810 --> 00:14:37,810
Ned, the... the interview's
in just a couple of hours.

355
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:40,050
Take it easy.

356
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,410
Oh, Elyse, this is just
a little vodka

357
00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:43,450
so I won't have any orange juice
on my breath.

358
00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:47,550
You've been drinking...

359
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,950
Heavily ever since you got here.

360
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:51,810
Should I be worried about you?

361
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,310
Oh, Elyse,

362
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,150
this is your brother Ned
you're talking to,

363
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:56,310
not some old drunk.

364
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:57,850
I don't have any problem
with this.

365
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,780
I can stop this
any time I want to.

366
00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:02,480
Then stop. Now.

367
00:15:03,910 --> 00:15:05,550
Is it really
that important to you?

368
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:07,010
Yes.

369
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,180
All right.

370
00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:15,580
I'll stop.

371
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,010
No big deal.

372
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:29,510
Mr. Donnelly, this is
a very impressive résumé.

373
00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:31,850
Two years at Kelton Electronics?

374
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,850
Yes, yes. It's a fine firm.

375
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,210
They recruited me
right out of Harvard.

376
00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:37,980
Mm, and from there
you went to Centram.

377
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:41,080
Eastern regional manager and
then junior vice president...

378
00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:42,310
That's right.

379
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:45,080
Steven told me about...
Your difficulties there.

380
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,180
Perhaps you'd like
to expand upon that.

381
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,480
Well, uh, Mr. Wertz,

382
00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:52,550
I could tell you what happened
to me at Centram,

383
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:55,850
but I think I could say it best
with music.

384
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,950
And one, two,
one, two, three, and...

385
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:05,310
Hello?

386
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:06,750
Uh, just a second.

387
00:16:06,780 --> 00:16:09,050
Uh, m-Mr. Wertz, it's for you.

388
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,250
Oh, thank you.

389
00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:14,850
Hello? Ned, Ned, uh...

390
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,280
What's, uh...

391
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,150
What's... what's gotten
into you? What's going on?

392
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:19,980
Oh, nothing. I'm just
a little nervous is all.

393
00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:23,010
I thought the clarinet
would sort of break the ice.

394
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,580
Well, I-i would have gone
with a handshake and a smile.

395
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,780
It's... it's too late now.

396
00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:32,050
Um, uh, uh, look, uh,
just, uh, try to relax.

397
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,510
Be yourself.

398
00:16:33,550 --> 00:16:34,980
"Be myself."

399
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:37,280
That is just crazy enough
to work, Steven.

400
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:38,610
N-Ned...

401
00:16:38,650 --> 00:16:40,610
Sorry about that interruption.

402
00:16:40,650 --> 00:16:42,280
Oh, uh, no, uh,
no problem at all.

403
00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:43,880
Uh, Ned and I were just,
uh, um...

404
00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,650
Stretching our legs.

405
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,380
Well, actually,
Steven was stretching my legs,

406
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,010
and I was stretching his legs.

407
00:16:51,050 --> 00:16:54,550
Jokes are out. Gotcha.

408
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:55,580
Please, sit down.

409
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:56,850
Thanks. Right, uh...

410
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,750
Now...

411
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:01,110
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

412
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,050
I'm sorry. That... that was me.

413
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,250
Okay, so...

414
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:05,950
Well, uh, Keaton...

415
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:08,310
Tell us a little bit
about yourself, huh?

416
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:10,380
Ned, what are you doing?
You should be over here with me.

417
00:17:10,410 --> 00:17:11,710
Well, why don't you
come on over here with us?

418
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:12,880
Now, come on, move over, Wertz.

419
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,210
Make room for Steve in here.

420
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,710
Ned, Ned, get over here!

421
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,550
Oh, all right. Come on, Wertz!

422
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:18,850
Ned!

423
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,610
I'm sorry, he is so adorable
when he's angry.

424
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:21,980
All right!

425
00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:23,710
Let's quit goofing around!

426
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:26,180
Wertz, grow up,
for crying out loud!

427
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,680
Take this thing seriously.

428
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:31,080
Haven't you forgotten something?

429
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,110
What?

430
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:33,280
Socks!

431
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:36,010
No, no, no.
I got mine right here.

432
00:17:36,050 --> 00:17:37,510
You want to try 'em on?

433
00:17:37,550 --> 00:17:38,980
Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh!

434
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,410
I'm sorry! That was me.

435
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,180
That was me.
I'll get 'em. Don't worry.

436
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:47,410
Mr. Wertz,
I'm very sorry about this.

437
00:17:47,450 --> 00:17:48,780
Hey, Wertz!

438
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,180
You're not wearing
any socks, either.

439
00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:53,850
I most certainly am.

440
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,280
Well, then whose feet are these?

441
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:58,550
Ned, please, get up now.

442
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,780
All right, all right.

443
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,510
Mr. Donnelly,

444
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,850
I think this interview is over.

445
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,550
Well, Wertz,

446
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:11,750
I think you did a fine job,

447
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:14,950
and I will let you know
in a few days.

448
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:16,650
Boys.

449
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:24,780
Where's Ned?

450
00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:26,010
What's the matter?

451
00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:28,050
What happened at the interview?

452
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,010
Elyse, he showed up drunk...

453
00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:32,050
Without socks!

454
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,810
He made a fool of himself,
of me, and of Mr. Wertz.

455
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,880
No.

456
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,610
He promised me
he wouldn't drink.

457
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,410
How much more evidence
do you need, mom?

458
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:41,750
And let me tell you something...

459
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:43,210
What I saw today
was much more than a man

460
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:44,580
who had a few too many drinks.

461
00:18:44,610 --> 00:18:46,450
What I saw was a-a sick,

462
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,310
self-destructive individual.

463
00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:50,480
What are we gonna do?

464
00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:52,080
Well, he obviously needs help.
I don't know...

465
00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:55,650
Maybe he should call
Alcoholics Anonymous.

466
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,480
Hey! Hi-ho, Stev-a-rino.

467
00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:00,310
I guess I'm starting
on Monday, huh?

468
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:01,880
You want to car-pool?

469
00:19:01,910 --> 00:19:03,080
Hey, Alex! Alex.

470
00:19:03,110 --> 00:19:04,510
Open that up
and get some glasses,

471
00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:06,050
'cause we're gonna
have ourselves

472
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,280
a little celebration, huh?

473
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:10,710
That was quite an exhibition
you put on today.

474
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,110
Yeah, well, I aim to please.

475
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,450
Ned, you said
you wouldn't drink.

476
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:15,880
Oh, I haven't
been drinking, Elyse.

477
00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:17,410
I just had a couple of beers,
that's all.

478
00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:18,950
I ran into
an old friend of mine,

479
00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:20,550
Mike...
Uh, Mike Griffin,

480
00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:22,210
and he insisted I have
a drink with him.

481
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,980
Now, I couldn't
turn him down, could I?

482
00:19:24,010 --> 00:19:25,250
Ned! All right, all right.

483
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,580
All right, all right, all right.

484
00:19:26,610 --> 00:19:28,550
I didn't meet Mike Griffin.

485
00:19:28,580 --> 00:19:30,050
I met Merv Griffin,

486
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,050
and he insisted
that I had a drink with him.

487
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,910
Now, what could I do?
You don't say no to Merv.

488
00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:36,450
Would you stop lying, Ned?

489
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,310
Not now! I'm on a roll!

490
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:40,650
Listen to yourself.

491
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,550
Let me try that.
"Not now! I'm on a roll!"

492
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:45,350
I sound fine to me.

493
00:19:45,380 --> 00:19:48,150
This interview could have been a
new start for you, uncle Ned.

494
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,080
Dad went out of his way
to set it up.

495
00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:51,710
You didn't even
give it a chance.

496
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,580
Alex, what difference
does it make?

497
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,980
Wertz was never gonna
give me that job.

498
00:19:57,010 --> 00:19:58,550
I never had a chance.

499
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,810
That is not true.
You had a very good chance.

500
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,650
But you were afraid
to face it head-on.

501
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,610
You made damn sure
you turned Wertz down

502
00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:06,410
before he could turn you down.

503
00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:08,480
Well, what difference
does it make, huh?

504
00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:10,380
You Keatons are always
gonna be around

505
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,910
to hold the family banner high.

506
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,750
Alex here will probably
be running the country

507
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,280
before he's even 35 years old.

508
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:17,610
Now, what difference
does it make

509
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,810
if old Ned falls
by the wayside, huh?

510
00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:22,210
That's the most pathetic speech
I've ever heard.

511
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:23,280
Oh, no, no, no.

512
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,850
The most pathetic one
is coming up now.

513
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,310
You guys have any idea
what it's like

514
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:31,550
to be washed up before
you're even 30 years old? Huh?

515
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:35,210
Olga Korbut, the mouseketeers,
Ned Donnelly...

516
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:37,950
We're all has-beens.

517
00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:40,310
Okay, you can go ahead
and you can act like a kid,

518
00:20:40,350 --> 00:20:41,810
but you have an adult's problem

519
00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:43,380
and it's not gonna go away
by itself.

520
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,510
You have
a drinking problem, Ned.

521
00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:47,310
You need help.

522
00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:48,450
I do not have
a drinking problem,

523
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,980
and I do not need any help.

524
00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:51,950
Yes, you do! Admit it!

525
00:20:51,980 --> 00:20:54,780
I-I think you should call
Alcoholics Anonymous.

526
00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,610
Ned: You gotta be
kidding, Elyse.

527
00:20:56,650 --> 00:20:59,350
You actually think
that I'm an alcoholic?

528
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:02,410
Ned... You're sick.
You have a disease.

529
00:21:02,450 --> 00:21:04,310
If you don't
do something about it,

530
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,050
it's going to kill you.

531
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:10,680
I don't care.

532
00:21:10,710 --> 00:21:12,810
It's over for me.

533
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:15,510
It is not over for you,
uncle Ned.

534
00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:16,910
You were at the top once.

535
00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:19,650
You... you can make it
back up there again.

536
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,350
Do you, uh, remember
these clippings?

537
00:21:24,510 --> 00:21:26,910
Young Executive
of the year, 1980.

538
00:21:26,950 --> 00:21:29,280
Uh, your speech
before the World Bank.

539
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,080
When you made
junior vice president at 28.

540
00:21:34,110 --> 00:21:37,050
Alex, what are you doing
with this stuff?

541
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,050
Whenever I think
I can't achieve something,

542
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,550
I look at those.

543
00:21:41,580 --> 00:21:43,950
Yeah, well, Alex...

544
00:21:43,980 --> 00:21:46,510
These are ancient history.

545
00:21:46,550 --> 00:21:48,880
They're garbage!

546
00:21:48,910 --> 00:21:50,950
Hey, uncle Ned, don't do that.

547
00:21:50,980 --> 00:21:53,710
Hey, give me those.
Leave me alone!

548
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:55,110
Give me those. Leave me alone!!

549
00:21:55,150 --> 00:21:56,310
What the hell are you doing?!

550
00:21:56,350 --> 00:21:57,310
Steven.

551
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:59,980
I don't know.

552
00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:02,410
I don't know. I'm sorry.

553
00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:05,110
Sorry, Alex.

554
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,580
All right, Ned.

555
00:22:13,410 --> 00:22:16,210
That's it. It's over.

556
00:22:18,610 --> 00:22:20,150
Right now,

557
00:22:20,180 --> 00:22:22,450
either you get some help,

558
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,180
or you get the hell
out of my house.

559
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:28,180
How could I do that?

560
00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:31,750
I hit Alex.

561
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,110
How could I do that?

562
00:22:36,410 --> 00:22:39,010
Now would you call A.A.?

563
00:22:58,650 --> 00:23:00,510
I guess I could look upon this

564
00:23:00,550 --> 00:23:01,950
as a way of meeting women

565
00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:04,410
that share
a common interest with me.

566
00:23:11,510 --> 00:23:12,980
Hi. Yes.

567
00:23:13,010 --> 00:23:14,550
Um...

568
00:23:14,580 --> 00:23:16,350
Would you be interested
in subscribing

569
00:23:16,380 --> 00:23:17,980
to the Columbus Express?

570
00:23:22,350 --> 00:23:25,750
No, no, uh...

571
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,610
Uh, my name is Ned Donnelly,

572
00:23:27,650 --> 00:23:30,910
and I have a drinking problem.